by Melanie Figg
Backstory
It was the house
where divorcing began
in earnest. House
of silence, house
of dissolve. The
poisoned ground
reeled. One girl
cleaved, one doubled-down.
It’s too easy to look
back and add in
what we know
now: his affairs, her
girl-trauma. Meanwhile,
they unpacked
into smaller and
smaller spaces.
And the army
next door
kept a record
of the ruining,
the toxic river,
their breathtaking
recklessness, the yard
wrecked with reckless
disregard. Despite,
that girl got older.
She passed the ghost
of her mother
on the road to
the altar. Family
lore said love was
hard, a vast border
of mean water, not hers
to have. A doomed
training ground,
and years to leave.
First Memory (Eve to lilith)
I.
It’s been hard since you came for me
in the garden. I keep remembering
the ripe figs always ready to drop
to my mouth, and the stone wall
that I traced with my fingers
like a blind woman reading
the limits of my life.
I thought I would die there
with that man, drunk
every evening from all his naming.
But walls have two sides.
And I found myself
each morning, among
the rosemary and orange trees.
Sister, I called, if you are out there
hum this song back to me
knock on your side of the wall
or better yet, just knock it down.
II.
We’ve been together so long
where do I end? You end
somewhere beneath my skin
beneath the shame of the fig leaf
beneath the heart you hold like an apple
to polish on your sleeve.
III.
Before you what was there?
An idea of a garden
a life that wasn’t really mine.
I used to speak in perfect sentences
my nouns stacked neat as ribs.
But now the smell of you
underneath my nails
your hair on the pillow—
Melanie Figg writes poetry and personal essays. Her award-winning poetry collection, Trace, was named one of the seven Best Inde Poetry Books of the year by Kirkus Reviews (starred review). She’s won many grants and awards for her writing, including a Fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts. Her writing has appeared in dozens of journals including Hippocampus, RUMPUS, Colorado Review, Nimrod, and others. A certified professional coach with an MFA, Melanie works remotely with writers. www.melaniefigg.net